You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
