so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
