I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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