Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
