i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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