tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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