I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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