I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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