omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Damn victory sex feels great
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