I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
