did you get engaged???
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
