Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
