I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
