Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sext me about skeletons
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
