I looked at my own cervix.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
