HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what is it with giant penises always finding me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love you. Go after that dick
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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