I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
