how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
