Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
