Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
