We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
