I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
