i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
