i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize