i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to cum in my sink.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
