i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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