Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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