My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
