Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
