It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize