My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
