1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
