I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Come on in and take your pants off
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