I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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