ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Welp...herpes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
