I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
