I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
