Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
