I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
