What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
