Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
