atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
