just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize