dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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