I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
