you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
