dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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