my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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