The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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