I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
false alarm. still invincible.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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