Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
jump out the window naked night went bad
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