I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
