Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
