Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
