I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
