My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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