Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
