Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
