Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the condom got lost in my hair
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
