i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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