I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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