You're so nebulous sometimes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
