i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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