I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
