We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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