I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
