Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
