i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
