My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
