I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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