Farmville is her only friend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
