The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize