You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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