Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
